Mom of Fame – Jeanne: Parenting Vs Grand parenting

We had the very unique opportunity to gain an even greater perspective of motherhood through Jeanne. Jeanne answered a different set of questions for us as she is mother to four and grandmother nine.

She talks about the joys and fears that come with being a grandparent and how one of her greatest joys is watching her adult kids parent. She speaks open and honestly and we are sure most grandparents can understand and agree with what she is saying.

Thank you so much to both Jeanne and Leah for meeting with us in November and to Geraldine Ralph Photography for taking some amazing photos of the three girls.

Welcome Jeanne to the Mom (and Grandma) of Fame!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family!

My name is Jeanne and I’m 62. I have been married 3 times. Leah’s dad and I were married for seven years and I had three children. Then I had another with a second marriage and we were married for about 14 years. And then my current husband and I met at work. I worked for Ford for 39 years. Pretty much right out of high school I went right into work and worked there until two years ago, September. They offered a buyout and I only had a year and half [left] to work and they offered a year and a half’s salary so I [took it]. I knew I wasn’t going to fully retire, so I went on and got some other skills. I was working at a gym already and teaching yoga and just wanted to do a little bit  more. So I’m still there teaching yoga classes and training clients.

My husband and I, between the two of us, have seven kids. So my four and he has three; two boys and a girl. We have 12 adult children with spouses and significant others and then nine grandchildren; three are in Colorado, two in South Carolina, and four are here.

What do you think has changed the most about motherhood since you had young children?

A lot! I think a lot more the roles have balanced out a little more; mothers and fathers are kind of interchangeable now, doing kind of the same thing. A lot more dads are having to step up and get involved with taking care of their kids; playing with their kids. When I was married to [my first husband] and we had three kids at home, young kids. I had them all within five years so they were all pretty young at the same time. I still worked full time and he worked full time. But it was more my job, although contributing financially, was secondary to what I had to do before I got to work and after I got home from work.

I think now, and I see with my kids and [especially my daughter’s] husband, the husband gets a lot more involved. I think [with] my kid’s generation there’s more of the father takes the kids to daycare, the father picks them up, the father’s making dinner, the father’s doing more chores. So the mother’s a little bit more, I think, financially responsible just because the cost of living is higher and childcare is a little bit more. So that’s something they have to think about. And [women are] also getting a higher education too. For me, I wanted to go back to school but it was a decision made that it’s really more important for my husband at the time to go back to school versus me getting more of an education.

What has been the most overwhelming part of motherhood for you?

Probably when I was a single mom. I had three kids under five and [my first husband] and I were actually separated when [my daughter] was about a year and a half years old. Just getting them up and getting them ready for school and having to get them to the sitter. Then go and work full time. Then come home and try and not lose control because you want to set a good example like, “I can do this, I’m strong. I can take care of my kids and I can do everything”. But at that point I was mom, dad, and financially responsible for pretty much everything. I mean there was contribution with child support and they did spend time with their dad but the day to day of getting up and actually working and coming home. And I didn’t have what my kids have now with their spouses where you’ve got the shared responsibility of doing everything. And there were times when I did lose it; and I don’t mean just emotionally breaking down. I mean having that, not anger, but losing your temper a lot easier.

What’s the best part about being a grandma?

Oh, all of it! One thing is, when you’re raising kids, and you are trying to juggle things all around, especially being a single parent for so long, you do lose your temper. And it’s almost like you have a second chance to kind of mother them a little bit. And coddle them and play with them and you have the time to do it, too. [My husband] and I are both semi-retired so we have a lot of time to sit and watch the same cartoon over and over again and it’s not annoying to read the same book a million times. Just spending that time with them. But you also come to appreciate the simple things; just the simplicity of doing those things and how important that is. It’s not like, “Okay lets read this book because I have to do this or we’ll only watch 10 minutes of the movie because then I have something else to do”. I don’t really have anything else that I need to do, it’s more important to spend the time with them. Just the cuddling with them and they kind of come to you like they know that you have stories to tell them. All of it is fantastic!

What’s the hardest part about being a grandma?

Not being in control, I guess. You hope that what you’ve given your kids and what they’ve seen from you they’re going to take on with their kids. But you see them with these little lives and these little people and you think “I know what to do!” but they don’t necessarily want or need your advice at that time. You want them to figure it out for themselves but it’s really hard to not jump in and kind of take over sometimes and just say, “well don’t worry about it, I’ll do it”. Or when they’re sick, knowing that [my daughter] knows what to do with them and if she doesn’t then she’s gonna call me.

The other thing I thought about, too, is there’s not that need [for me] because you have mom groups, and social media, and you can google pretty quick. Like, “what do I when my kid has a temperature?”. Where my generation it was like, “mom, help!” So there’s not that same need for grandma or mom to be involved. So that’s kind of a harder thing to deal with.

What has been your greatest joy?

All of it has been great; there’s been ups and downs, but spending time with my kids as adults now. And knowing now that they all have kids, for the most part, and we kind of share that commonality now that they know what it’s like to parent; and they know it’s a fun thing but it’s probably the most challenging thing that you’re ever going to do in your life. And just knowing that they might appreciate and understand a little bit more. And just seeing them; they’re all so great with their kids. It’s a little different from how I was raised and how I tried to raise them. It’s a little lighter, I guess. It’s [also] fun to go out and have a drink with them. And be able to talk to them on a different level where they understand you and you really can kind of help them and they understand more of where you’re coming from.

What has been your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is about safety and health. I want them all to be healthy and happy. As you get older and realize your own mortality, you don’t ever want to outlive your kids or grand kids. You don’t ever want to see anything bad happen to them. Like, [my daughter] was in an accident the day before yesterday and those things make you think and you pray “somebody protect her, protect all my kids”.

I’m also always telling [my daughter], “be aware of your surroundings”; with the whole trafficking thing and kids being taken. Now that I’ve got little grand kids, it just drives me crazy sometimes thinking about it and worrying. Not obsessing, but just being aware.

What advice about motherhood did you give to your daughter? Did she take it?

I’ve given her a few pieces of advice. She’s a very calm person by nature but I think the advice I’ve given her is “let the milk spill; let her get dirty; let her get paint on her hands; let her be a kid”. And not to scold about those thing, but lift her up and support her with positive comments instead of anything that might make her feel bad about herself or a negative.

Yes, usually [she does take the advice]. Sometimes she’ll be like, “mom…” She’s so good at balancing all the things she’s got going on; time for her daughter and her husband. So she does spend a lot of time with her. Like I said, she’s just calm and caring by nature so it’s nice to see her passing that all on to her daughter.

What do you think about your daughter as a mom?

She’s a wonderful mom. She is. Her and my mom were very close and I think she’s always been like an old soul. She really keeps family and being with family and making time for family [a priority]. And that means her family, the big extended family, but also her husband and her child making sure she’s got time for them. But she still takes care of what she wants and she needs in her life; like going for her masters degree now. And finding the right time for it; she waited until it was a good time to do it. Like I said, she’s great with her [daughter]. And the three of us do a lot together so it’s like keeping that bond going.

Mom of Fame – Leah: Loving Mother, Devoted Daughter & Life-Long Learner

All images courtesy of Geraldine Ralph Photography

Last month we had a crazy idea to work with Geraldine Ralph Photography and give away a mini session to one person and their best friend. We got a great response and the lucky winner was Leah!

Instead of bringing a traditional best friend; Leah brought her mom. In Leah’s words, ‘she truly is my bestie – we are very close and she was the Matron of Honor in my wedding’!

How could we say no?! This was such a special opportunity to talk to a mother and daughter duo. We could tell from the first minute of meeting Leah that she is an amazing mother. She traveled over an hour with her daughter, Aviana, and looked completely put together (coming from swim class).

We had a wonderful time talking with her and her mother and plan to stay in touch for the foreseeable future! Welcome Leah to the Mom of Fame!

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Tell us about yourself and your family!

I am Leah and I work in communications. I am 34 and I live in the Lansing area with my daughter, Aviana who is 4, and my husband, Jesse. I’m working on campus right now at Michigan State University doing communications and marketing for culinary services; which includes all of the dining on campus. I haven’t always been there but it was good to come back to my Alma Mater and work there. My husband works in communications, as well, in the Department of Transportation in downtown Lansing. We have two cats; [my daughter] keeps them busy, but they’re not very fond of her! One other thing that is nice is that [my daughter] has a lot of close cousins that are around her age.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

What came to my mind most, and is something that has continued throughout [parenting] was that every child is different. Especially as you are going through things like potty training and trying to get them to sleep through the night (we didn’t have any trouble with that, thankfully, she was sleeping through the night at about 2 months old!) When you’re going through any of that stuff I think you just have to realize that every kid is going to be different; they’re all going to catch on at a different time and they’re all going to get there eventually.

I didn’t always abide by that myself; especially with potty training because it took her a really long time to really get interested in it at all. And it took her a while to get to that point. We had a pretty bad incident–we were at a park and she just went and did not have a diaper on. We went to try to use the bathrooms and they were locked! So we had to change her outside and it was just a disaster. I think it freaked her out enough that it just sort of clicked with her all of a sudden and from there on out she was a lot better with it.

Yeah [I would give that advice to someone else] especially knowing that I didn’t always follow that. It’s very easy to just quickly jump to getting frustrated about it or worrying about it too much. And it can apply to so many different things like learning how to walk; and you compare your kid to other peoples kids.

How is motherhood different than you expected it to be?

I think I knew that it was going to be [emotional], obviously your emotions change a lot, but I didn’t realize that you were going to see so much of both ends of the spectrum. Like, you love them a lot, obviously. You have that extreme love part of it, but then you also have the other side. You obviously get frustrated at moments–I think my husband does more so than I do, but you definitely have your moments where you get frustrated. There have been times, too, where one of us has had to have the other one walk out of the room to just go take a minute and then come back. I think I realized that it was going to be that way but probably not to the level that it is.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

The first one I would say is definitely communication. Because we both work in communication I think that has helped a lot. Her language development, I’ve noticed, has been a little bit faster than some of the kids in her class. And just in general she knows big words and she can use them the right way most of the time, which kind of surprises us sometimes. And also just making sure that she knows the right meaning of a word. When we realize she uses it the wrong way we just try to explain it to her a little better; use an example so that she understands more what it means.

Definitely patience. You’re put in a lot of situations, like I mentioned before, where it’s easy to get frustrated. So you just have to be [calm]. And my husband is a bit of a big kid himself. The two of them team up sometimes, and it’s all in good fun, but they poke fun at me a little bit, and I just have to roll with it.

The third one I would say is organization. I pretty much have to keep organized to stay on track. I mean I have always been that way; with work too. So keeping track of all of the activities and whatever they have going on at her daycare. They have a lot of different “Spirit Weeks” and Parent-Teacher Conferences. And I mention “Spirit Week” because I recently forgot something and she wouldn’t let me live it down that I didn’t know that it was “Princess Day”. I didn’t drop her off that morning but she got to daycare and her really good friend was wearing an Elsa dress. After Halloween I went to Target and found princess dresses that were on clearance for her to wear next time!

Describe a time when you were completely overwhelmed as a mom.

I had a really hard time with this question because I could come up with a lot. What stood out the most to me was the first few weeks; even just the time being at the hospital and the time being home after that. I think what made it the most hard was that I had to be away from [my daughter] so quickly because I ended up back in the hospital the next day. Thankfully [my mom] was at our house at the time. My husband had to take me back to the hospital because I had a prolapsed uterus. It was not fun to have to leave your baby right away but I was thankful that [my mom] was around.

And during that first few weeks, too, I had tried really hard to nurse, but I had a really hard time. I ended up with very little milk supply; if any. So just trying to do that for as long as I could but then realized that it wasn’t going to work out how I wanted it to. What I would share with other moms is you kinda have to go in to that whole experience knowing that even though you have a plan, it’s probably going to change. You think it’s going to go one way and it’s probably not going to go that way. And you just have to jump in!

Is there anything you feel you have lost since becoming a mother? What have you gained? 

I think to a certain degree, obviously, all parents lose a little bit of independence. It’s very very rare that I have a moment where I have the house to myself. Actually, recently my husband took [my daughter] up north to visit his family for a whole weekend. And I was like “I can’t remember the last time this happened”; but at the same time you feel so weird because you don’t want to be away from them. Like you enjoy that time a lot, but when they are gone you feel a little bit lost, too, and aren’t sure what to do with yourself.

I didn’t mention it before when I was talking about our family but I started a Master’s program over the summer. It’s completely online, so it’s a little more flexible, but now I feel like anytime I do get to myself I have to do my reading or do my homework. So it’s not quite the same! But at least in two weeks I’ll be done with the semester and take a moment.

I gained a little version of myself (haha). Everyone tells me that I look so much like her and if you look at pictures from when I was a baby I look just like her. There’s actually a picture [of me] hanging on our fridge at home that she took from my mom’s house and she thinks its her. I love seeing my husband interact with her, too, because they kind of have their own bond. And, like I said he’s somewhat of a little kid himself, so it’s funny to listen to them. Even if I’m in my room getting ready for the day I try to listen downstairs as I hear them interacting with each other.

What do you want your child to learn from you?

I definitely want her to learn to be kind and confident. One of the things I’ve learned just as part of my job–I have to respond to customers and most of those customers are [college] students–so you kind of have to put yourself in their position and really just try to envision how you would want that person to feel.

One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou and it’s “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel”. I try to keep that in mind, even if I think the person’s situation is the most ridiculous thing.

I also want her to never stop learning. There are always different things to explore and being curious about things is definitely not a bad thing. That’s a lot of the reason why I went back to school; to keep learning new things.

What do you admire most about your mom?

What I admire most about her is her drive and dedication. And that can apply to being a grandma as well, especially when you have so many grandchildren. Anytime that we have all been together it’s fun to see the kids together but they always gravitate towards her.

And going back to the never stop learning piece…after she retired she went on to continue doing things that helped her gain more experience and more skills. So she went on to be a certified yoga instructor and now she’s also a certified personal trainer. So just continuing to have that passion for something.

 

Mom of Fame – Maureen: Three Different Births (Born Silent, Born by Induction, Born Naturally)

We love how willing moms are to opening up their hearts (and lives) to other moms. Honestly, there is no greater tribe then that of motherhood.

Maureen is mom to three. Two adorable little boys and one girl who was born silent. She writes with such open honesty that we were just hanging on every word. She talks about ‘maiden self’ (which we didn’t know anything about) and how each one of her births were so different.

She is the type of mom that you would want to go for any kind of advice and she’s the type of PERSON that would be willing to sit down with you and help. She deserves the title of Mom of Fame. Please welcome her and read her story below.

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Tell us about yourself and family!

About me, I recently figured out that the common thread of my interests, passions, work experiences, conversations with others, and observations of communities/individuals has always related to well-being. Which MOMFAMING is a great example of supporting the well-being of mommas through connecting, supporting, and seeing mommas!

My husband, Michael, and I are journeying through almost 11 years of marriage. Marriage is such a journey! Am I right mommas?! He is the kindest man I know and I am grateful to walk with him through the mountains, flatlands, and valleys life throws all humans. I don’t always love those valleys but I am recently embracing them differently and trusting they pass. I am growing a new appreciation for them because they bring such gratitude to feelings of joy and the experience of being alive! I am so glad to do life with him.

We have two boys. Lars who is 5 years old and Lennox who is 5 months old! We also had a daughter (Hadley) who died, stillborn at 9 months of pregnancy. She was our first born and it was a healthy pregnancy. After an autopsy and genetic testing we never were able to figure out what happened.

Lars, our five year old is fun, independent-minded, joyful, and sweet. Lennox, our five month old is such a smiley and happy guy. His entire body smiles when he smiles and we are just soaking it all in. I keep saying I feel like a Grandma. Since there is a decent space between their ages (five years) I think I appreciate the moments so differently.

We have moved around quite a bit since having our children. We have lived in Kansas, Michigan, and California. We recently moved back to Michigan from San Diego, CA! We are both from Michigan so are loving being with family.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

At a very deep level you know what to do, what you need, and what they need. The important work is to eliminate the noise from society of what it should look like and be aware of how our own ego/past experiences impact us. As that noise quiets down, that deeper knowing emerges and you can tune into that and work from that space. I didn’t receive this advice until our third but I fully embraced the advice and guidance. I would totally give that piece of advice to someone else.

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

It demands more than I thought. I didn’t think about all your body really goes through to create, carry, birth, then nourish a baby. That is a lot and it demands the time and space for all of that to happen. It really does require you to care for yourself at a different level than I thought so you can show up for yourself, your partner, and the kiddos.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

I care deeply about my boys growing up with an emotional vocabulary and learning how to be comfortable in ALL of their emotions. I am still learning for myself how to do that but care about them building those muscles to navigate that process.

I smile a lot at them, find joy in little things, and love them deeply.

I am putting myself first, husband second, and them third. They need a momma that loves all of herself, loves their daddy, and loves the heck out of them. Also, something I am still working on daily because so much in our society tells us to put kids first and other things after. AND kids just need things all the time, like help opening a banana, or to nurse, or to change a diaper, or to play games! Ha!

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

Four weeks postpartum with our first born son. I started having “weird thoughts” that now I have learned were completely normal for new moms and are called intrusive thoughts. From what I have learned, our bodies are intuitive and are in a mode to be aware and protect our babies. Most new moms experience intrusive thoughts in one form or another. For example with our third child, after he was born, I vividly thought about the possibility of me or someone else dropping him while going down the stairs. The thought came into my mind very often, where before I would have been worried. By reframing and understanding things differently, I gently thanked my body and mind for tuning in and reminding me to take it slowly going down the stairs and to be more cautious while others held him. Many mothers stay silent in shame. If you are reading this and experienced this as well, know you are normal. I would encourage you to get to a momma’s group or talk to a doctor. I plugged myself into Honey: A Space for Mom’s in Ferndale, MI after having our third child. That is where I realized I was totally normal and felt supported!

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

No. I think I have just evolved. It took me a long time (5 years) to fully open myself up to the vastness that is motherhood. While pregnant with our second son, my prenatal yoga teacher talked about grieving your maiden self (yourself before kids). I realized, right when she said it, that I still had not allowed myself to grieve and close that chapter and fully welcome in motherhood. After allowing myself to grieve my maiden self I felt a massive shift towards opening myself fully up to being a mom. I loved my son (and daughter) so much AND at a deep level didn’t quite feel like motherhood fit me. After that process I felt like I opened myself up to the vastness of the role as a parent/mother. Now I feel that motherhood fits perfectly. I am so grateful to experience it and I am grateful to get to feel that. It was always hard to feel like for some women it just perfectly clicked for them.

In terms of what I have gained from becoming a mother; empathy and humility. Loads of empathy and loads of humility. DAILY! And such fun and beautiful moments with them. I feel most alive and whole seeing them smile, laugh, and experiencing the simplest of things.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I just want them to feel loved from their momma. They will learn so many things from so many people and experiences in life. I hope they will know they are loved and I hope they are kind to others and themselves.

We know that no two births are the same. Can you tell us the differences between your births?

We have had three births. Our first was different in the sense that our daughter died and I delivered her stillborn. We went to the hospital because I didn’t feel movement and she didn’t have a heartbeat. I immediately went from wanting to try a natural birth with no epidural to not wanting to feel any of it. I think I just didn’t want to feel that massiveness of what was happening. Although it would seem horrible, which of course it was, it was also such a beautiful time and birth because that was our time with her. We were in Kansas and I got an epidural early on so really didn’t feel much physical pain. Just the pressure while pushing. My husband and best friend were in the room for the entire labor. We experienced every emotion during that labor. About one hour before Hadley was born my childhood best friend showed up and was there for delivery. We held her for a while that night then spent time with her the next day before saying goodbye. I often get asked what would be a helpful gift to give someone if someone you know experiences a stillbirth. They Were Still Born: Personal Stories About Stillbirth by Janel C. Atlas. It was THE most helpful thing early on in grieving. It has so many stories from other women and their experiences of stillbirth.

Our second birth, of our son Lars, was such a different experience. We hired a doula knowing we needed and wanted support. We delivered him vaginally, with full Pitocin and no epidural at 38 weeks. We chose to induce early because we didn’t know why Hadley had died and so the doctors suggested doing it. Our doula walked us through the entire birth, advocated for what we needed, and really guided me and my husband through the entire birth. And when Lars came out it was such an unbelievable moment to experience him. Our room was dark most of the time, our doula brought essential oils, and my husband was the best DJ ever. I still say some of his song selections and timing is what got me through. I will never forget seeing Lars with his eyes wide open and feeling him in my arms.

Our third birth, was really a culmination of learning from our birthing experiences with Hadley and Lars. We took a birthing class from an unbelievable woman in San Diego who was also my prenatal yoga instructor. Through that process, my husband and I got to a point that we were very confident in knowing what we wanted, felt equipped with birthing positions, felt we could advocate for what we wanted during the labor process given whatever curve-balls may come our way, and felt much more open to letting the birth be whatever it was that showed up. We delivered at the Karmanos Natural Birthing Center in Royal Oak, MI. We were fully open to getting epidural or not forcing a natural birth if I changed my mind during labor. I ended up delivering vaginally with no epidural (and no Pitocin needed this time). Michael and I fully did that birth together. We were basically on our own with very minimal monitoring. Of course our midwife popped in once in a while along with our nurse, but we just got to intimately deliver our third baby together. AND our nurse massaged the heck out of my lower back for some of it like a boss! Our lactation consultant told me about the breast crawl and that they didn’t need to take baby right away to do all the measurements and things they routinely do right after if the baby looked okay. So they left Lennox right on me in in my arms. We left the vernix on until we left the hospital two days later (I like staying for as long as I can). We left Lennox on for the breast crawl that took about an hour and a half until he crawled up and latched on. I am beyond grateful learning about this from our lactation consultant. It was a complete game changer. He was calm during the entire process and it was such a calming/bonding experience for us.

Photo by Kelly Stork Photography

Mom of Fame – Angela: Rainbows after the Storm

Angie is the mom of two adorable kiddos (she had two under two!). One boy and one girl. She advises that no matter what season you are in with your children or marriage that you should always work as a team and we could not agree more!

She has a great appreciation of her friends and family and stresses the importance of taking help.

We want to recognize all the mothers we possibly can and Angie is another great addition to our Mom of Fame!

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Tell us about yourself and family!

I am 34 years old( which I can literally never remember … like ever. I had to do the math AGAIN this time!).

I live in South Lyon with my husband Jr, puppy Miggy, and two kids, Grayson Martin (19 months old) & Piper Josephine (two months.) We had two miscarriages before God finally blessed us with our rainbow baby and we haven’t looked back since.

19 months later we’re a family of 4 navigating this crazy life together!

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

I was given a lot of good advice and have continued to get it every day!

One piece of advice I would pass on would be to accept help! I’ve never been good at asking for help and always want to do everything on my own. When people offer help, they want to help! Take it because it won’t always be there.

I’m not sure if someone told me this, but another piece of advice I would pass along would be that no matter what phase the kids (or your marriage when having kids) is going through, it will pass, you just need to work as a team!

First its the 4-5 wake ups with the newborn and learning together how to nurse. Then came sleep training which was hard, but we got through it! Next up was the first (of many) sleep regressions *which felt impossible at the time*. But, they don’t last for ever!

Followed up with teething and temper tantrums (these were a little bit of a longer phase) but we got through them just in time for another sleep regression.

I’ve learned to just take a deep breath, smile, and think of how blessed we are that THESE are the big problems in our life, and as long as we work together, we’re going to get through them!

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

Shockingly, its not much different at all.

I was one of the last of my friends to have a baby and I had pretty amazing role models to fill me in before I became a mommy. The main thing that is different would just be how little time I have for myself. I knew I would have less time, but a lot of days it feels like I have none! Some days it is hard because all I want to do is get a work out in, or get my nails done but at the end of the day, I know this is just a phase and soon I’ll find more time for myself.

For the time being, I’m going to enjoy these kiddos while they are young!

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

Balance | Patience | Rules/Boundaries

It has taken some time, but I’ve learned that I can’t do everything, so I need balance- and I have really grown in this area.

I have also been sure to try and have more patience, specifically with my son and husband. I find myself going a million miles a minute and doing 3-4 things at a time, then being short with my family. I’ve tried really hard to not do that and balance things out by realizing the order of importance.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

I get overwhelmed when I try to do EVERYTHING.

I am used to working, coaching, keeping the house clean, working out, playing volleyball, maintaining friendships and working on my marriage… but when you add two babies in the mix, something has to give.

The babies obviously come first, and that means the other areas have all been slacking at some point or another. It’s overwhelming to me that I’m not able to keep up on everything but I have some pretty amazing friends that ground me and remind me to soak in these moments with the kids because I’m going to blink and its all going to be gone!

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I know it may seem cliche but I really don’t think I have lost anything (besides TIME!). From a young age I knew I wanted to have a family and be a mother.

I can say that I have gained a new level of respect for all mothers out there. I’ve heard people say it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world and I’d have to agree. However, I have gained strength that I didn’t know I was lacking, and patience that I need on a daily basis.

I have also gained an even grater sense of time management and have learned to cut myself a little slack. If I don’t get that work out in, or the laundry done, or dishwasher unloaded it will always be there tomorrow.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I want them to learn to be strong, kind, independent, and caring people.

I want them to learn not to give up when things get tough, and that it’s OK to try something new and fail, but to try again.

What was more difficult for you? Going from no kids to one kid or one kid to two kids? Why? What were some of the challenges with both?

I think they are difficult for different reasons.

The hardest thing for me is feeling like I’m not being a good mother if I don’t get EVERYTHING done.

When I had Grayson it took me a while to get to a place where I felt like I had it all “under control” and was juggling everything well. Then I had Piper and TWO under TWO took a lot more attention!

I’ve been very blessed with two “easy babies” and an amazing husband, as well as a tribe of not only family, but friends!

Mom of Fame – Brooke: Prenatal Down Syndrome Diagnosis

Brooke is another amazing mom we were so happy to interview for our Down Syndrome Awareness month! She found out that her son, Ashton,  was “rocking an extra chromosome” while she was pregnant and hasn’t stopped advocating for him since! She talks about how important it is to put your marriage first, what it was like having a baby who needed open heart surgery, and how her son gave her a strong voice. Please help us welcome Brooke into our Mom of Fame, she’s another mama who definitely deserves it!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

My name is Brooke and I married my high school sweetheart, Jesse, 6 years ago on October 12^th, 2013. We grew up in Wisconsin and went to college there. We now live in Littleton, CO and we love to hike and snowboard and spend time outside with our dog and son. We expanded our family on February 8^th, 2019 with our son, Ashton Thomas, who rocks an extra chromosome.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

I think the best advice I was given from a friend and from our church was to put our marriage first and to show each other love so that our son has a good example. Another piece of advice was to not lose ourselves in our child. We still spend time with friends and do our hobbies with and without him. Getting in date nights is so important!

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

I think motherhood is more difficult but more rewarding than I expected. Ashton has a ton of appointments and went through open heart surgery. Having a special needs child can be exhausting in that aspect. But, his one smile will turn around your entire day. I never want to stop snuggling him.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

I believe my three strengths are advocating for him, juggling working full time and being a mom, and finally showing him love. I know he can feel how much we love him already.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

There have been a million moments already of feeling overwhelmed, and he is only 8 months old! I think the most stress was the week of his open heart surgery. It was so difficult watching him wean off pain meds and not being able to hold him for days. He developed chylothorax, so I was unable to breastfeed him for weeks and I felt like we kept getting kicked while we were down. Now, he is an excellent nurser and he is so strong and recovered much faster and better than I ever would.

Is there anything you feel you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I have really tried hard to maintain my work, my relationships with my friends and family and my husband, along with my hobbies. We have had difficult moments juggling time together as a family and time alone as husband and wife. Luckily, our parents have been very helpful in watching Ashton so we can have time alone. I think I have gained a strong voice that I didn’t know I had with advocating for him and shouting his worth.

What do you want your child to learn from you?

I want Ashton to learn to love and accept all people, no matter what they look like or believe in. I want him to be kind to everyone and to grow up knowing Jesus and to have a strong faith. I hope he finds a passion later in life and will find a career that he loves.

Since it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, what is the most important thing you want people to know about Down syndrome or about being a mom to a child with Down syndrome?

I want people to know how awesome Ashton is and that my life is not any worse than a mom of a “typical” child. Yes, we have more appointments and stress about his health, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything. He is so perfectly him and his extra chromosome makes him so happy, sweet and loving.

Mom of Fame – Karen: Parenting a Pre-Teen with Down Syndrome

When we decided to dedicate October to moms who have kiddos with Down syndrome we reached out to several moms who we admire and we are absolutely pinching ourselves that Karen responded. She is another amazing mom to follow on instagram (@karenjp0915) if you are a new parent to a child with DS or even a new parent in general. She has a lot of experience being a mom (and a grandma) to her 12-year old son Caleb and his three older siblings. She talks about the importance of parenting each child individually, what is was like to get Caleb’s diagnosis, and how Caleb is “more alike than different”. Please help us welcome Karen into our Mom of Fame!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

My name is Karen and I’ve been married 30 years (!) to my husband David. Between us, we have 4 children and 3 grandchildren (with one on the way). Caleb, our son with Down syndrome, is the youngest at age 12. His sister Courtney will be 30 later this year. He also has a half-brother (39) and half-sister (41). We cover all ages in our family 🙂

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

I’ve been blessed with many wonderful role models in motherhood, including my own mother. So much good advice; it’s hard to narrow it down to one piece. But if I had to, it would be to parent each child individually. That each child has their own strengths, interests, opportunities and challenges. Providing an environment to help them each learn their own path can be tricky, but look for the “helpers” – circles of support. Churches, community groups, schools, etc. can be great lifelines to broadening the path for your child(ren).

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

Wow. It’s harder and it gets harder as they grow up!

It’s such a blessing to be a parent, and it’s also a responsibility. Helping your child find out who they are; what they want to be – it’s work! But wonderful work. I’m very proud of my children and whatever they want to be or do, I try to support them and guide them.

Love them unconditionally. Be there for them.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

I’m a “doer” – if there’s something that needs to be done to support my children, I’m there. They know I’m in their corner – loving them unconditionally. I try to be an example for them – for their faith and for giving back. Volunteering was a huge role in my upbringing and I’ve tried to instill that in my kids too.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

When our son Caleb was born with Down syndrome.

I felt like I was suffocating at first; like the world would never be right again. I had no knowledge of people with challenges – what their lives were like or how to mother someone with a difference. It took time, it took support, it took him guiding us and teaching us.

We eventually found the path wasn’t so different. It’s challenging for sure, but it’s a beautiful thing to recognize that our world has broadened so much by having Caleb in our lives.

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

When I was young, all I ever really wanted to be was a “mom”. So I would say not really. I’ve had quite an eclectic career path including both for-profit and not-for-profit roles. All those roles though had led me to meet the most interesting people, and really prepared me for who I am today and what I do now.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

Love, kindness, empathy, responsibility, community, faith, friendship.

Since it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, what is the most important thing you want people to know about Down syndrome or about being a mom to a child with Down syndrome?

I could write on this point for a dozen pages or so, but I would love people – especially parents who don’t have children with unique (special) needs to know that our lives are not so different than yours (in our personal experience). Day-to-day living with Caleb is very similar to bringing up his sister – school, church, activities, friends, responsibilities. We depend more on supports with Caleb (therapies, etc). but we also have plenty of wonderful activities to do each week and throughout the year. Our local community is very supportive of people with differences, and that’s been huge for us.

There are things that we have and will put into place for Caleb that we didn’t have to with Courtney and our older children – financial strategies and educational plans. We look ahead and plan more for him most definitely. But there are many who love Caleb and are there for him – helping him to become the best he can be. Whether that’s owning his own business, or working for someone else, we hope and pray that he grows into a productive, happy young man who loves the Lord and loves his fellow man. Including him in community events and traveling has helped.

I would ask other parents to teach their children about “difference”. That having special needs or being a different skin color adds to a beautiful variety to community – wherever you might live. We believe that Caleb is “more alike than different” but also the “different is beautiful” too.

Mom of Fame – Amy: The Gift of a Down Syndrome Diagnosis

When I first learned that my son, Ryan, had Down syndrome Lisa suggested I follow @uplifeofemmyjoy on instagram. I checked her out and I’m so glad I did! Each day Amy posts videos and pictures of her adorable Emmy, who has Down syndrome. She made me understand how lucky I was to have Ryan and I loved watching Emmy, and now her son Reese live their day to day life!

When we reached out to Amy we were so excited that she agreed to share her experience with us since  was such an integral part of my transition to being a mom of a baby with Down syndrome. She shares her struggle getting pregnant, why being a stay at home mom is NOT boring, and how Down syndrome is a gift. Please read her amazing words and help us welcome her into the Hall of Fame, where she obviously belongs!

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Meet my family.

We are Chris, Amy, Emerson aka Emmy, Reese and our dog Ozzie.

Chris and I have been married for 8 years. We always knew we wanted kids and after saving a little money the first two years of marriage we decided to start our family.

We never anticipated the struggle.

It took 3 years and a lot of medical interventions for me to finally get pregnant with our first baby, Emmy. She has been such a gift to our family. She is such a bright light. 2.5 years later her little brother Reese miraculously joined our family with absolutely no medical help whatsoever. We live in Southern California along with our entire extended family. I stay home with the kids and Chris works for a home builder.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

I don’t remember what advice I was given besides, it goes so fast so enjoy every moment. I really do try my best to soak it all in and yes, I think everyone should follow that advice.

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

It’s much busier than I imagined. I was told I’d feel lonely and bored as a stay at home mom but when your first born goes to therapy neither of those are true. I have a huge support group of friends and I’m never ever bored. We are a very busy little family.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

I have come to realize that my biggest strength is patience. I knew I was patient in my teacher days and I’m even more so when it comes to my kids.

2. I have thick skin which is a major asset when raising a child who is differently abled.

3. I have great confidence in my abilities to love my children and to stand up for when they deserve and need.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

I felt overwhelmed the first few weeks after my new baby was born. I had a very rough c section delivery, we were struggling with nursing and I wasn’t healed enough to fully care for my kids on my own. I was use to doing it all myself and needing others to help A LOT was overwhelming.

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

Every stay at home mom looses their freedom to a certain extent. I can never go anywhere or do anything without making plans for someone to watch the kids or taking them with me. I’ve gained my purpose. I love being their mom and I love being an advocate for the special needs community. I wouldn’t trade what I’ve gained for the world.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I want them to learn everything but mostly I want my children to learn to be kind, independent and loving individuals that make a positive impact on the world.

Since it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, what is the most important thing you want people to know about Down syndrome or about being a mom to a child with Down syndrome?

Down syndrome is a gift.

It’s not scary and if you get to be a part of someone’s life with Down syndrome you are lucky. Parts of this journey are hard but it’s mostly so beautiful. I wouldn’t change one hair on my daughter’s head.

I want for her what every parent wants for their child and in a world that doesn’t fully understand disabilities we will work harder and shout louder for her to be seen as the valuable human she is.

In order to help spread the truth and joy that Down syndrome is we need all of you to join us in shouting the worth of these beautiful humans.

Mom of Fame – Taylor: Adopting a Baby with Down Syndrome

When we decided to highlight moms for Down Syndrome Awareness month we knew that we had to talk to Taylor. She is a one-of-a-kind person who has such a unique view of motherhood and Down syndrome. She has worked with children and adults with Down syndrome for years and because of her experience doing this she decided, at age 19, that she wanted to adopt a baby with DS. Last summer that dream became a reality and she flew to California to pick up her baby boy, George. In her interview she talks about how motherhood has made her stronger, what it was like to fly home with a 4-week old, and that she doesn’t want to be considered “heroic”. Please help us welcome Taylor into our Mom of Fame…she truly deserves it!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

My name is Taylor! I work in theater, doing teaching work, directing, and performing. My husband, Kyle, also works in theater, and is the drama teacher at a local high school. We adopted our son, George, in March with the help of the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network. It’s been our dream to adopt a child with Down syndrome for many, many years, and since that dream has come true, we’ve been in a state of pure joy.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

The piece of advice that I have found to be the most helpful is that every stage is the hardest and will also be my favorite. So far, it’s definitely proven true, and it makes the hard moments a little bit more achievable!

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

I am shocked that I feel like myself. I imagined that becoming a mother would strip me of my previous identity, but what it really did was enhance my identity. I am happy to feel how much of myself I feel in my motherhood.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

First and foremost, I look at myself as a lifelong learner. I do not know it all and I do not believe I know more or less than my child.

Secondly, I work hard to maintain my personal identity- I’m a better mother when I am and feel like myself!

Thirdly, I value community, which I believe helps both me be a good mother because it gives me opportunity to connect and grow, as well as opening up opportunities for socialization with George and other kiddos!

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

In March, we got on a five hour flight with a four week old. Yikes. I had been a mother for all of a week and a half, and I had to try to navigate getting me and my husband and our newborn onto a plane. Learning to be a mom is hard enough, and learning how to with such little ability to fail was traumatic. Being a mom while also being a person felt truly impossible as we went through security, but the TSA agents luckily took pity on the sobbing new mother!

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I don’t like to think of it as what I’ve lost. I think I have highlighted parts of myself, and I have put other parts of myself on the back-shelf temporarily. I believe we’re all lifelong learners, so any part of myself that isn’t present because of my transition into motherhood needed to make room for the things I’ve gained.

I think I have gained so much confidence. Not about motherhood, but about myself. The strength I have did not exist 8 months ago, and I can’t believe how quickly that has changed.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I hope he knows that doing what you love is the most important thing. I hope I teach my children the value of heart and soul over the value of quantity.

Since it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, what is the most important thing you want people to know about Down syndrome or about being a mom to a child with Down syndrome?

I want people to know that the narrative about Down syndrome that is heard within in our society is adamantly false. People with Down syndrome are so much richer and deeper than the “always happy” people that society sees them as. Kids with Down syndrome deserve the same joy, respect, discipline, and expectation as any other child.

Being a mom to a child with Down syndrome is absolutely not a heroic act. It is not something that only a few special people can do. Anybody is fully equipped with the tools that are necessary to be a parent to a child with Down syndrome. We aren’t special, different moms, so ask us the same questions you ask your other mom friends, and just know that our answers might be a little different. We also desperately crave your childs acceptance, so know that we want to help create significant, real friendships between our children!

Mom of Fame – Arianne: Single Mom to Blended Family

Arianne is a mom to two and step-mom to four! She was a single *boy mom* that met the man of her dreams and is now a blended family of eight. She talks about the achievements she has had from not only raising her boys, but from being a step mother as well. She goes into combining the two families and the challenges and success (and love) that comes along with it. She deserves the mom of fame title.

Please show Arianne some momfaming love!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

I’m 33-years old and live in the small town of Morenci, Az. I am currently a full-time online college student with Grand Canyon University. As of August 2019, just made my University President’s List for maintaining a 4.0 GPA.

Until 3 years ago I was a single mom raising two boys to become men. Then I met my current fiancé and now combined we have 6 children total, 3 boys and 3 girls. All from ages 12-years old to 4-years old.

My life is fulfilled for the first time in my life, everything seems to be coming together. I’m achieving things I never thought I could possibly do. Someone helping me mold my sons and having daughters of my own.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

Motherhood is one of the most difficult jobs, yet one of the most rewarding jobs. It’s one of those blessings that come during the most difficult storms of your own, and your biggest achievement you could ever see is when you realize the young ladies and boys that you have raised and the people they become. To not be afraid to raise them by rules, and it’s ok to be the bad guy; that is your job because they will teach them to be great citizens. Not to baby them, and to allow them to stand on their own feet and use their voice.

At first as a new single mom I didn’t take the advice about not babying them, and about not standing over them and trying to do everything for my two sons. This was something I learned as they got older. It was extremely hard to break because they wouldn’t apply themselves and if something was hard, they wouldn’t want to do it.

Advice I would give is allow your children to learn how to use their own voice in a respectful manner. If something is happening at school that is bothering them, they need to tell a member of the school staff. They need to not be afraid to be honest and talk to someone that will teach them how to understand what having a voice truly means. Also, allow them to try new things. If they are three and want to try and make their own chocolate milk then let them, let them start to explore and remember they are learning by watching you.

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

I thought Motherhood would be easy. That it’s a natural way of life. Motherhood is far from that! It’s a constant learning experience and constantly is teaching you more about yourself as a woman and mother.

Motherhood changes you and that’s something I never thought I would do. I thought I was secure in who I was, but becoming a mother taught me more about my own strengths and weaknesses that I didn’t know I had.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

1. Patience has become one of my biggest strengths when it comes to their bad days, or teaching them how to cook. Patience and being patient with them during homework and life lessons.

2. Listening to them. When I learned to listen to my children my relationship with them got stronger. Showing that their feelings do matter.

3. Making time for the little things. Life gets so busy and making the time to go on that bike ride with them because they asked or going to throw the ball with them. Making time for the little things is also a huge strength because that’s when the bonding happens.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

When I went from being a mom of two children to a mom/stepmom of six children.

Combining a family and trying to do everything for all of them and build relationships and understand them. That was extremely hard and overwhelming. I would hide in the bathroom at times just because I felt, at many times, I couldn’t make any of them happy or be the mother/stepmother I wanted to be.

It’s frustrating and felt like I was failing them all. It took about a year of overcoming the feelings I had to finally understand how to be the mother I wanted. It also took me not giving up just because it was hard. My stepchildren love their dad, but there is something about the women of the house. Always coming in to ask me something when my fiancé was right next to me or coming in to tell on someone.

Learning how to be what they all needed was very overwhelming. Now I can say it was worth it.

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

Being a mother, there is no room for being selfish. Everything you do as a mother is for your children. No decision can be made without thinking how this will affect your children.

I was a selfish young adult, and that wasn’t the best quality. So, gaining the understanding of not being selfish, I feel, has made myself a better person in general.

Having my children has made me a better person.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

How to accept your mistakes and learn from them.
How to never give up when things get hard.
How to constantly want to improve and grow as a person.
How to always reach for your best and challenge yourself.
How to never stop being about family.
How to understand that being a stepparent is just as important; to be a parent to all the children.
How blood doesn’t make you family, but if you have step siblings, they are your family. How to protect each other as they grow up together.
How to be strong and independent people.

Mom of Fame – Brooke: Girl Mom of a Toddler & a Teenager

Brooke is another amazing mom that we are lucky enough to add to our Mom of Fame. She is a *girl mom* of a toddler and a teenager (and she is still alive to talk about it!) She tells us about the overwhelming moment that finally made her ask for help, what losing her sister at a young age taught her and how becoming a mom made her love herself more than ever. Please show Brooke some momfaming love!

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Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

I am a Health, Wellness and Life Coach. My husband is a therapist, we live in Rochester Hills and have 2 Daughters Gabriella (14) and Paisley (4).  My husband and I love to spend our free time with the kids, either going to the park, to the local hot spots or travelling up north. Gabriella plays Club travel volleyball and that takes up a lot of our time as a family traveling to support her at her tournaments. We enjoy family game night and Friday Pizza nights. Our youngest is obsessed with dance and we enjoy watching her nurture and develop that. We try to have a date night twice a month so that we stay connected, because if we are in sync everything else sort of falls into place. We are just your typical family of girls, all things pink.  We really try to have fun as a family and laugh as much as possible.

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

The best piece of advice I was given about motherhood was to be like water and go with the flow [and to] remember to enjoy the little moments because in the end those are the biggest moments.

I continue to take this advice, I’m not perfect at it but having kids whose ages are farther apart I see the value in it.

I give this advice to any mom who asks for it.

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

Motherhood is a thousand percent different than I imagined it. I think when you are pregnant with your first you sort of start planning things out and imagining how they will look. Then when baby comes it’s like WOAH, this isn’t what I signed up for! HAHA. But, It ends up being everything you never thought you needed and more; truly incredible. Even on the most challenging days, the love you feel and the connection is more amazing than anything. At least for me, that’s how it has been.

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

I’m caring and loving; I lost my sister when I was 13, so I really show my kids how much I love them and make a point to tell them daily..

I would say I encourage my kids to be uniquely themselves and independent, by showing them in my actions.

I’m pretty good at making them laugh either with me or at me and we love an impromptu dance party. I really try to be fun but with a side of responsible.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

A time I was completely overwhelmed as a mother was when I was sick with gall stones and a blocked bile duct. I had multiple outpatient surgeries with a baby and tween. I was sick and I was in pain and exhausted. I felt guilty for not being able to keep up with either kid’s schedule and I had an emotional melt down. This forced me learn how to ASK for help and receive it. Something I don’t think many of us are very good at. Learning that has been monumental in my ability to feel confident reaching out to family and friends when I’m in over my head.

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I would say I lost some of my feisty free spirit; but, what I’ve gained is so much more than what I felt I lost. The beauty about motherhood is that things about yourself can be lost, but they can also be found again and when those things come back it’s better than you remembered it. I learned unconditional selfless love because of being a mom and it is what defines me now. Honestly, the thing I am most proud of today, is being a mom and my kids.

What do you want your children to learn from you?

I want my kids to know that they can be anything they want to be, and not to dim their light for anyone. I really take to heart that kids will do what you do, not what you say, so I just try to show them that it’s never too late to do the things that light you up.