#Momguilt Part Two – The Second Child

So awhile back I wrote a blog about #Momguilt. Little did I know that it only gets TEN TIMES worse when you add a second child into the mix.

The same feelings of guilt are still there.

The guilt of …

working

making a healthy dinner

when I lose my patience

when I’m distracted by something else *phone*

that I allow TV and tablet

Now there are even more and a lot of them have to do with my attention and how I can evenly divide it. I would, ideally, like all aspects of my life to feel most important.

  • My children. This is the area where I have the most guilt.
    1. My son. I feel guilty that I have literally changed my son’s life in a drastic (but beautiful) way. When my attention is on him I am distracted by his sister and her needs. I know that I don’t give myself credit, but it’s hard.
    2. My daughter. Although she gets attention – (just finished up a wonderful 12 week maternity with her) it’s very different from what Ben got when he was a baby and I feel guilty about that. She really will never get my FULL attention because she is the second child.
  • My husband. Although it isn’t said and completely fine – I know that my husband is the one who gets the shaft completely. Our lives have taken a turn from the two of us, to the three of us, to now, the four of us. I am sure it will get better, but right now this mama goes to bed right when the baby does which gives us almost zero time together.
  • My Work Life. Although I just started work I am already feeling guilty. When you don’t have kids your work is basically your baby (right? Am I the only one?). I know that I will get into a groove again and it will just take time. Why do we think things should just happen instantly?!
  • Daycare guilt. This is geared more toward my three month old. My son (three years old) thrives at his daycare. There is a constant pressure on my chest about leaving my three month old with others. The guilt I have about going to work and not being with my children is great.

Luckily, I have an amazing husband, family and friends who make me feel like I am doing it all and doing it with grace. We can’t be perfect. No one is.

Now, please pass me a glass of wine.

Mom of Fame – Kyra

Kyra is one of those moms that we all aspire to be. She is completely selfless and puts the needs of her family above her own. She decided to be a stay at home mom because she felt that her daughter needed her more than she needed to work as a physical therapist. We were so excited when Kyra agreed to answer our questions and tell us a little bit more about herself.

She talks about why she ultimately decided to be a stay at home mom, the mix of cultures her family celebrates each day, and what it was like to have a baby with colic. Please join us in welcoming Kyra to our Mom of Fame and be sure to check out her motherhood blog at the link below!


Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

My name is Kyra. I’m a physical therapist, wife, and mommy to a beautiful little girl who just turned 5 months old. Our household is half Hispanic and half African-American so we constantly have a mix of the two cultures with everything from the food to the languages we speak. My husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family after we had been married for only two months and three months later we were pregnant! Our daughter was born in August 2018. We plan on having more kids in the future. It was a huge adjustment for me to transition to working over 40 hours a week as a physical therapist to staying at home with my daughter. I knew that I needed a creative outlet so I decided to create my own motherhood blog. A month ago, I launched bumpeverafter.com to share my advice and experiences as a first-time mom. 

What is the best piece of advice you’ve been given about motherhood? Did you take it?

The best piece of advice I was given about motherhood would have to be from my mother. I was scheduled to return to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old, but I knew that I wasn’t ready to leave her just yet. I felt like there was so much more bonding time that we needed together as mommy and daughter. However, I also knew that I had an obligation to return to work. 

My mother told me, “You have to decide what would benefit your daughter more: going to work to earn money or spending time with her during this precious time while she’s still a baby. What your baby needs is YOU.” I was reluctant to stay home at first, but it was the best decision that I made! My daughter and I are so close and I love catching those special little moments with her that I wouldn’t have experienced if I went back to work right away. 

Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

It’s totally fine and normal if you feel overwhelmed with your duties as a mom. You are not alone. Motherhood is challenging and rewarding all at the same time. You don’t always have to know the right answer to everything when caring for your children. Just do the best you can and everything will be fine.

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

I knew motherhood would be challenging, but I didn’t expect it to change me as a person as much as it did. Each day as a mom, I experience an array of emotions. Happiness for having the opportunity to raise a beautiful little girl. Sadness that my old life as a young, 20-something newlywed is gone. Guilt that I’m not doing something exactly the right way for my daughter. Joy when I see her laugh or smile. The emotions just repeat themselves over and over again several times throughout the day. I never expected that. 

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

My first strength is that I always put my daughter’s needs above my own, even if that means not getting much sleep!

My second strength is that I always try to be very affectionate with my daughter so that she knows she is very loved. I love cuddling with her and stealing kisses from those little cheeks. 

My third strength is that I always try to care for my daughter in the best way that I can. I always try to research the best tips on baby care and always try to think of activities that help her with development. 

Describe a time you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

As a newborn, my baby had colic and she would cry all day and night. I thought something was wrong with her, but the pediatrician told us it was completely normal. After like a month of non-stop crying I just broke down. I remember sobbing in my rocking chair as I nursed her. I just felt like there was nothing I could do to calm her and I felt so guilty as a mother. Luckily, with time I learned some great tricks for soothing her and she began to cry less. She doesn’t really cry that much at all now. But, I really felt overwhelmed at that period of time. 

Is there anything you feel you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I feel that I’ve lost some of my identity of who I was as a person. As a mother, I put my family’s needs above my own all the time and I don’t even think about myself. Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself, “What do YOU want?” I’m constantly thinking of my daughter and my husband. 

On the other hand, I’ve gained so much more. My daughter has completely changed my world for the better. Every day that I wake up and see her face, it’s like Christmas morning. She inspires me to be the best person that I can be.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I want my daughter to learn to follow her dreams and believe in herself no matter what.