Mom of Fame – Angela: Rainbows after the Storm

Angie is the mom of two adorable kiddos (she had two under two!). One boy and one girl. She advises that no matter what season you are in with your children or marriage that you should always work as a team and we could not agree more!

She has a great appreciation of her friends and family and stresses the importance of taking help.

We want to recognize all the mothers we possibly can and Angie is another great addition to our Mom of Fame!

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Tell us about yourself and family!

I am 34 years old( which I can literally never remember … like ever. I had to do the math AGAIN this time!).

I live in South Lyon with my husband Jr, puppy Miggy, and two kids, Grayson Martin (19 months old) & Piper Josephine (two months.) We had two miscarriages before God finally blessed us with our rainbow baby and we haven’t looked back since.

19 months later we’re a family of 4 navigating this crazy life together!

What is the best piece of advice you were given about motherhood? Did you take it? Would you give that piece of advice to someone else?

I was given a lot of good advice and have continued to get it every day!

One piece of advice I would pass on would be to accept help! I’ve never been good at asking for help and always want to do everything on my own. When people offer help, they want to help! Take it because it won’t always be there.

I’m not sure if someone told me this, but another piece of advice I would pass along would be that no matter what phase the kids (or your marriage when having kids) is going through, it will pass, you just need to work as a team!

First its the 4-5 wake ups with the newborn and learning together how to nurse. Then came sleep training which was hard, but we got through it! Next up was the first (of many) sleep regressions *which felt impossible at the time*. But, they don’t last for ever!

Followed up with teething and temper tantrums (these were a little bit of a longer phase) but we got through them just in time for another sleep regression.

I’ve learned to just take a deep breath, smile, and think of how blessed we are that THESE are the big problems in our life, and as long as we work together, we’re going to get through them!

How is motherhood different than you imagined it would be?

Shockingly, its not much different at all.

I was one of the last of my friends to have a baby and I had pretty amazing role models to fill me in before I became a mommy. The main thing that is different would just be how little time I have for myself. I knew I would have less time, but a lot of days it feels like I have none! Some days it is hard because all I want to do is get a work out in, or get my nails done but at the end of the day, I know this is just a phase and soon I’ll find more time for myself.

For the time being, I’m going to enjoy these kiddos while they are young!

What are your three strengths when it comes to motherhood?

Balance | Patience | Rules/Boundaries

It has taken some time, but I’ve learned that I can’t do everything, so I need balance- and I have really grown in this area.

I have also been sure to try and have more patience, specifically with my son and husband. I find myself going a million miles a minute and doing 3-4 things at a time, then being short with my family. I’ve tried really hard to not do that and balance things out by realizing the order of importance.

Describe a time where you were completely overwhelmed as a mother.

I get overwhelmed when I try to do EVERYTHING.

I am used to working, coaching, keeping the house clean, working out, playing volleyball, maintaining friendships and working on my marriage… but when you add two babies in the mix, something has to give.

The babies obviously come first, and that means the other areas have all been slacking at some point or another. It’s overwhelming to me that I’m not able to keep up on everything but I have some pretty amazing friends that ground me and remind me to soak in these moments with the kids because I’m going to blink and its all going to be gone!

Is there anything you feel that you have lost about yourself since becoming a mother? What have you gained?

I know it may seem cliche but I really don’t think I have lost anything (besides TIME!). From a young age I knew I wanted to have a family and be a mother.

I can say that I have gained a new level of respect for all mothers out there. I’ve heard people say it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world and I’d have to agree. However, I have gained strength that I didn’t know I was lacking, and patience that I need on a daily basis.

I have also gained an even grater sense of time management and have learned to cut myself a little slack. If I don’t get that work out in, or the laundry done, or dishwasher unloaded it will always be there tomorrow.

What do you want your child(ren) to learn from you?

I want them to learn to be strong, kind, independent, and caring people.

I want them to learn not to give up when things get tough, and that it’s OK to try something new and fail, but to try again.

What was more difficult for you? Going from no kids to one kid or one kid to two kids? Why? What were some of the challenges with both?

I think they are difficult for different reasons.

The hardest thing for me is feeling like I’m not being a good mother if I don’t get EVERYTHING done.

When I had Grayson it took me a while to get to a place where I felt like I had it all “under control” and was juggling everything well. Then I had Piper and TWO under TWO took a lot more attention!

I’ve been very blessed with two “easy babies” and an amazing husband, as well as a tribe of not only family, but friends!

5 Things I Learned About Miscarriages (After Having One)

My husband and I had only been trying for a month when I took my first pregnancy test. It was a long shot, but I like to be as prepared as possible so I couldn’t wait for a missed period. Shock of shocks there were two very obvious lines. I went out and told my husband and we were both super excited…and a little panicked. I only told a few people (my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and best friends). I knew I wasn’t “supposed” to tell anyone before 12 weeks but I was so excited and I couldn’t keep it all to myself until then. Besides, if anything were to happen those were the people I would talk to about it anyway. 

For the next month my pregnancy was completely normal. I had some morning sickness, a lot of heartburn, and was very tired. The day before my 8 week appointment with my doctor I was at work and started to have faint cramps and then started to bleed. I immediately called the doctor and the nurse assured me that this can be normal but that I should come in just in case. I left work and met my husband at the doctor’s office. I had an ultrasound and it confirmed our worst fears; I had had a miscarriage. I obviously knew that miscarriages happened, but I didn’t know much about them. After having one, this is what I learned:

1. It happens a lot

I didn’t ask my doctor many questions when I first found out what happened. I needed some time to process before I learned more about it. When I went back a few days later to have my blood drawn (for the first of many times – you need to make sure your hormone levels go back to 0) she popped in the room to talk to me. The only question I could think of was “why?” She told me that miscarriages happen in 1 out of every 4 pregnancies. I never realized the percentage was so high.

Once I had had my own miscarriage and realized how many other people it had happened to I started to hear about it more often (or I just started paying more attention to those whose were talking about it). Other friends went through it, friends of friends went through it, and even celebrities were talking about going through it. Although I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone it was nice to hear that other people knew what I was going through and that I wasn’t alone in my feelings.

2. You feel guilty

After my doctor told me how often miscarriages happen she went on to tell me that nothing I did caused mine. It was very nice to hear, but I of course didn’t believe her. I went back through everything I had done the past 2 months to figure out what went wrong. In the month before I knew I was pregnant I had a few glasses of wine. The morning I found out I had fallen on my knees trying to catch my dog. Every morning I had a cup of coffee. I told her all of this, and more, and she still assured me that none of that caused the miscarriage.

Even if it wasn’t my fault directly, it was my body’s fault. I think that is the hardest thing to deal with. My body basically betrayed me. It was in charge of the most precious thing and it didn’t protect it. Even though I am a very logical person and understand what the doctor (and everybody else) told me it is nearly impossible not to feel guilty. The guilt subsides over time, but it never really goes away. Even now, no matter what anyone says, it’s still there in the back of my mind. 

3. It hurts

I thought once my doctor told me I had a miscarriage, it was over. What I didn’t realize is that my body still had to pass what remained of my pregnancy. She told me that I would bleed for a while and pass a few clots the size of a golf ball or lemon. I’ve read that some women don’t even feel this, but I felt every bit of it. Now, I had always had bad periods so I was used to painful cramps. And that’s how it started. Then the next day I had the most painful cramps I had ever felt (until I was in labor that is!). Those lasted for about an hour until I passed a clot. Once the clot came out my cramps immediately stopped.

I thought I was through the worst of it so I went to work that night (I didn’t really have a choice so luckily the pain had stopped). I was the director of a daycare and we had a Meet the Teacher night for the beginning of the school year. I had to stand there, smile, and meet the new families joining our school. It wasn’t easy but I at least wasn’t in any physical pain anymore. Then I went back to work the next day for our last day of summer camp. While most of the students and teachers were outside for recess I started having the really painful cramps again. I worked 30 minutes from my house and didn’t feel like I could safely drive so going home wasn’t an option. So I laid on the couch in my office hoping nobody came to the door. I heard a class coming back inside so I got up to go back to my desk and I passed the second clot. Again, I immediately felt better. Knowing what I do now I definitely wouldn’t have gone back to work so soon.

4. It changes your next pregnancy

I was extremely lucky and was able to get pregnant again 5 months after my miscarriage. Although I was so excited that I was pregnant again I was also terrified that something bad would happen. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to jinx it. I didn’t want to buy anything for the same reason. I wouldn’t even discuss what we needed for the nursery, or when to have my baby shower until we had the 20 week ultrasound to confirm everything was okay. Even after that I was cautious with how excited I would let myself get.

Every time I went to the doctor to hear the heartbeat I would be in a panic until I heard it. If I didn’t feel him move enough my heart would sink until I did. My doctor even noticed how nervous I was and told me, “you need to let yourself enjoy this pregnancy”. I tried, but it wasn’t easy. I will obviously never know how I would have acted through pregnancy without having a miscarriage first. I am naturally a nervous person so I’m sure I would have had nerves along the way. I really think, though, that having one completely changed my pregnancy journey.

5. You don’t get over it

About a month after I had a miscarriage I had a friend who suffered the same terrible misfortune. One day several months later we were on a walk and she said to me, “I thought I would be over it by now. When do you think we’ll be able to get over it?” I obviously had no idea but I said, “I think it’s like a breakup. We won’t be able to get over it until we are pregnant again and actually have the baby”. This turned out to be somewhat true. Obviously having my son helped me get over what I had been through. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that I had to have the miscarriage so that I could have my son. I’m still not completely over it though. My heart still skipped a beat on April 13th (my original due date) and I’m sure it will for years to come.

Miscarriages happen a lot. Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier when it happens to you. This was my personal experience having a miscarriage and what I learned from it. I know that all people experience it differently and go through different things. I was very lucky that I only had one and that I was able to get pregnant and have my son after it. I know not everyone is this lucky and my heart goes out to those who are still trying. 

I haven’t told many people (until now) that I even had a miscarriage. I thought it was important to write this, though, to help others going through the same thing. If you have experienced a miscarriage (or several), what did you learn?

~Erin